My mind can move at a million miles per minute. I cannot stay focused on one idea. My mind feels compelled to jump because it doesn’t want to commit to that thought. To think an entire thought through is a chore. Nothing is finished in my mind. I abandon everything.
The way my mind works parallels my relationships, my life. When a piece of art has gotten to ugly, I refuse to return to it and fix it. When a monologue is too terrible, I don’t bother fixing it and instead abandon it. When I get a boyfriend in the sixth grade, I dump him within days. Which, in retrospect, was a good choice because he later – well, not that much later – became a drug addict and is currently in and out of jail. But maybe if I had stayed with him, he would not have ended up like that. Maybe he would have made different friends. However, I digress. Talking about James is weird.
Digression is my problem. It is constantly happening within me. I wish I were like a camera so that I could force myself to focus on something. But I’m on automatic focus, not manual, and I think my wiring is going haywire. I can’t stay focused on something long enough to take a picture. They always come out blurry and, dissatisfied, I move to my next subject.
No comments:
Post a Comment