Sometimes I Need to Express These Things

I am exploding with these words and it is not enough to type them. I want to scream them. I want to grab someone and tell them everything. I am jealous of my best friend because of her socialization skills. But what does that matter, right? I got into the fucking BFA Design and Technology program!

But what if I fall into the same rut? And if I ever say these things to anyone, they’ll just look at me like they always do. Maybe pity. Maybe confusion or understanding. But they’ll always say the same thing. “Alex, you’re great, you’ll make friends.” “Alex, you just need to put yourself out there.” “Alex, someone will come, one day.”

One day, one day, one day far away.

I put myself into corners. I cornerfuck myself.

This is How I Remember It

There’s a moment when you’re sitting in a car with friends when time stops. Nothing goes still or slow, nothing visibly changes. The clock stops ticking and the world keeps turning
In that short, sweet moment the sun shines brighter and warms your skin and that music playing loudly on the speakers that you normally cannot stand suddenly sounds enjoyable. Everyone feels the change in time and stays silent to enjoy the seemingly everlasting moment. The windows are down and the crisp wind throws hairs in everyone’s face.
The moment is only a second long. Something will eventually break it – the sudden feeling of the car breaking, a phone ringing, or just something unknown – and the clock will pick back up again. The moment ends. The people around you keep moving, they forget, they change.
But in that moment, they were perfect.